[Note: this is a note that I started back in August, a few days before I went into the hospital. The note has been kicking around in my Drafts folder since then. It's a reminder of how bleak things were at that time.]
We're all so eager for me to get better that there's double the disappointment when the hard days return. Not only is it difficult in and of itself when I have a bad day, but it's made worse by the fear, real or otherwise, that it's never going to get better.
Now, I know that words such as never or forever or always are little head clamps that keep me focused on a past that I wish I could change or a future that I dream of or fear. Mumble, mumble, mumble.
The more that I think about the words that I'm using to try to describe how I'm feeling and what it means, the more I'm reminded of a quote from Jimi Hendrix. "Blah-blah, woof-woof."
Staying in the present (living one day at a time, as some would say), I can say that I'm near tears most of the time.
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