For science

Yesterday I met with a team from UMass Medical School that is researching treatment-resistant depression (TRD). I have applied to be a participant in a registry of patients with TRD whose progress (or lack of) will be compared against people receiving Vagus Nerve Stimulation (VNS) therapy. I won't be receiving VNS therapy or any other treatments; I'd be part of the control group. As a result, there's little risk and a good chance to be a part of some important research. More about the registry here: http://www.trdregistry.org/.
The meeting yesterday lasted nearly two hours, covering my history of depression and the various treatments that I've tried, noting how well each treatment worked. It was a bit odd to try to define each 'episode' of depression. The last three years, for example, can be chunked into several episodes, based on the treatments that we've tried. I also see it as one long episode that hasn't ended. (Even though I'm doing pretty well much of the time, there's no doubt that I'm still dealing with depression as a regular part of my daily life.)
In addition, the renewed and detailed discussion about my depression history was wearing. I'd had awakened from a bad dream yesterday morning, a dream about misjudging my abilities and overestimating how much people wanted to hear about what I thought about everything, and so went to the interview feeling off my game. I found myself tearing up a few times as I recounted various parts of my life, but those feelings passed quickly and the rest of the day was pretty much ok.
Within a couple of weeks, I should find out if I've been accepted into the study. If so, I'll have interviews every three months for a couple of years and twice-yearly interviews for a few more, totaling 14 over five years.
I could not have predicted, five years ago, that this is how my life would be and so I'm doing even going to toss out a wild guess about what things will be like five years hence. I'll just keep showing up.